we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
