Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize