whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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