were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
