i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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