Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize