Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
