someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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