Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
