I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize