Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
