i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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