it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
