Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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