actually, I'm a sock model
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
