Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just pee around me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
