Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
