You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its not stalking. its research.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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