awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
