if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
