Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
