I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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