Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
