so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
either way he was missing a nipple.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
