Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
