She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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