Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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