Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
