a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
