all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
