my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
