Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
