Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
