You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
