Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
