in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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