Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Duck Duck Cougar?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
