Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
