I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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