Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
