Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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