Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
