I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
