guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
