halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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