I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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