Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize