My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
