3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize