he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
