I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
