Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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