just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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