my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
