I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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