thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize