went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
