after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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