I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you still have your period?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is Oprah even human
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
